I was in 8th grade and I felt SO alone and could not figure out how to pull myself out of such a dark and lonely place. Could I really trust to tell anyone what had happened to me? How I was feeling? How ashamed I was?
I was home alone, cutting an apple for a snack, when I looked at the knife in my hand and I had the thought that I could put an end to all the pain right then and there. I knew immediately I could never go through with it and slid to the floor uncontrollably sobbing. There are no words I have ever been able to find that can describe the feelings of hopelessness that I felt then.
As I sat on the kitchen floor I cried out, “What do I do?!” And the most beautiful experience I have ever had took place right then. I saw my Savior with His arms outstretched and me, as a little girl, running into his arms. NOTHING but pure joy and love filled the room in that moment.
I had just had a flashback of sorts. You see, when I was 6 or 7 I had that dream of me running to the Savior. Him kneeling, arms outstretched, big smile on His face. And I had woken from that dream with the same feelings of love and peace and acceptance. Here I was, 6 or 7 years later with such a vivid remembrance of that dream, like vision returning.
I knew right then, I was not alone. He wasn’t only by my side because He had to be, but because He WANTS TO BE. I could run to Him at any moment, have Him bear always. He would help get me through.
No matter what you are facing, no matter what you have done, no matter what you have experienced…He wants to be near. He wants to help. There is NOTHING that will change that. He also knows who here in Earth can help you through your dark days. Let them in. Let Him guide you and guide them. If they are reaching out, reach back, He may have sent them.
Grieving with pain seeking thy grace
Savior, oh please give me strength
Oh sweet Redeemer, rescue me,
Into thine arms my burdens ease,
cast down my fears, lay down my tears,
bid me to dwell at thy feet
-lyrics from the song Sweet Redeemer by City of Enoch